Hi, Laura First, I love your portfolio. It is simple, but so elegance. The first story, The Flower, the "windflower" and the bee picture are so beautiful. I am also so impressive with the way you organized the story using Twine in the Mouse-Bride story. It is really fun to read, but also is complicated. It works like a maze. Once i get in, i have to go through all the ways to be able to find the way out. To be honest, it was hard for me to organize the information when i got along the story just by remember. If possible, i would rather to insert a "go back" button, so that i can go back whenever i feel like i am missing somethings. I have to sketch a "road map", that will show me "whether to marry a mouse husband or a man husband", but i still consfused. I wonder how do the "mouse bride" think about marrying the "strongest husband" for all, but ended up marry a mouse-husband, which is weaker than the cat? Why the mouse-bride go all the way to find the strongest husband? I personally think the mouse bride have some incentive to do that, not just for protect her own safe. Although the story have a happy ending, i would like if it could be extended a bit more to talk about the weaknesses of the "new husband". Everyone have weakness, so she (the mouse bride) will get through it.
Hi Laura, I liked reading your story "The Flower" because in my opinion because your use of photos in the story help make me understand just how peaceful the tone of the story, especially in the beginning, truly is. The part I liked was when the bumblebee request that instead of being a bumblebee it would rather be a cat who eats, sleeps, and does not do anything. As i kept reading the story, I began to wonder if the bumblebee was actually was actually a bumblebee in the beginning or if some other animal or thing had transformed into the bumblebee before the bumblebee began transforming into the things it became in the story. You might see what happens if at the end you repeat the cycle but with a new bumblebee instead. Overall I think your story is amazing and I like how you positioned your picture to make it look like I am actually reading an article or a blog post. Great Job!
I wish I'd checked your site out sooner! I love how you've presented Twine as a platform and the introductory "hints" about going back and using the links. I will likely be copying some form of both in this week's work on my own Twine storybook. Adding the storyboard image was a really good idea, and I could jump back and forth without too much confusion through the potential storylines.
Also, a subtle but nice touch: images to break up a wall of text in "The Flower." The "pop-up" banner image is really nice too, and I'm realizing that Google sites can be much more aesthetic than I originally believed. Wonderful, beautiful website and both fantastic stories.
"The Flower" caused me to wonder how deeply this story was influenced by the religious beliefs in Laos (reincarnation perhaps?), and whether that could be worked into the tale at some point.
Thank you! So many great ideas, I hope you don't mind if I borrow a few for aesthetics in my own site!
For this comment, I ended up writing about "The Flower". I thought that was so cool how you did your rendition of the story. You turned a moon origin story into a sunflower origin story, which I totally forgot that we could do. We don't have to stick to the story completely, but we can add our own twist to it. I wonder if the sunflower was happy in the end. It always had something to complain about when it changed into something else, such as when it turned into a bumblebee, a cat, or the moon. It was initially unhappy with following the wind. I wonder if it found happiness from the fact that it ended up following the sun instead at the end. Overall, I really liked the story. I thought it was cool how you kept the meaning and transitions the same, but you only changed the elements in order to create your own story.
Hi Laura! I knew you said you'd be doing the course along with us, but I forgot & was surprised to be reading your own stories. This is a completely different version of Adam & Eve than I have ever heard before. It has characters in it that I've also never heard before, which makes it interesting. I like the chain of blame type story. I've not really had much experience with those, but in real life that does seem to be the way things work. I also like that you went back through in reverse and everyone apologizes and everything is cleared up. God really did only want them to admit what they'd done wrong. I'd never heard of the Samael or the baby or anything beyond just Adam & Eve eating the forbidden fruit, hiding, having to admit the truth, and being punished by having to leave the Garden of Eden. All of this extra information is very interesting and thought provoking to someone who has heard the traditional story their whole lives. Now I'm wondering what all is missing from the Bible maybe, and why. Very thought provoking story and a very interesting way of writing a story, that I'd never really seen done before. I love all your use of images. Makes me wish I'd put more images in mine. I guess I can always hunt and add more images in my final revision weeks.
Hey Laura! You did a great job at covering some of the generally unknown myths behind your stories. Not very many people know about the Jewish story of Adam and Eve and characters like Lilith. I'm willing to bet I was the only reader who knew that story before reading your version lol. Yet, you connected all of the intricacies of the story and even made the reader question if God is to blame. Most people fear such a thought and think it's wrong to question God. So that was a bold but perfect move on your part. I also really liked the sunflower story. There was a lot of great imagery in there. Maybe give a little more detail as to what it was like to be the sun because I really loved the powerful intensity of that part. My only other critique is to possibly rearrange your links. Finding them was a little confusing. Other than that, awesome job!
Hi Laura! I was excited to see your project come up on the generator this week! I started with your Mouse-Bride story. I love the interactivity of the story and played it several times to get different stories. The first time, I chose a mouse husband, and then decided to invite the cat to the wedding, thinking it might be a nice gesture. I see now that I made the wrong choice, haha. I like how the story restarts in a similar yet different way when I am reborn before going back to the beginning. I love how my mouse character always ends up with the mouse husband and how they find each other even when they die; it makes me feel like they are mouse soulmates. In The Flower, I kept waiting for the Goddess to grow tired of the requests and stop transforming the once windflower, but was pleasantly surprised when she eventually became a flower again. I liked how although she is a flower again, she became her own type of flower. I would have liked a bit more explanation on what a chain tale is, just because I am not very familiar with the stories you use to explain the idea, but I feel like I understand what it is after looking at the links you included and through your stories!
Hey Laura! The blurbs on your homepage were super helpful and I just had to go with the Twine story. Right away, the picture of the mouse at the top was super adorable. I loved the Choose-Your-Own-Adventure series as a kid, so this story made me really happy to read. I like that you can keep going until you marry the mouse. One suggestion I would have is to add a play again button on the last page. That way anyone who wants to try again doesn't have to reload the entire page. I think your idea in your author's note about having a mouse spend time with each of the strongest husbands before revealing their weaknesses would be good. The little pieces you wrote with them where cool and I think more people should have an opportunity to read those instead of skipping past them looking for the "strongest". Thank you for including a screenshot of your twine set up after the authors note. It was fun to get to trace all of the paths through visually. The closing comment on the last page was really cute too. My boyfriend and I actually met here at the University of Oklahoma (3 months as of yesterday!), so who knows?
Hey Laura, I really loved how you set this up. It looks so great and is also very easy to navigate around. It is also really cool that you were able o make all of your stories interactive so that it would allow all of us to really get into the stories and wonder what what was going to happen next. I really loved those type of stories when I was little so it was really fun seeing them now and getting to think back to when I was a little kid. It would have better i yo could have further explained the chain type of stories, because I am sure that not everyone was as familiar with them as others. Other than that I though that you have done a fantastic job.
Hi Laura! I started with your story about the rabbit who was going to get married. Your pacing in this story is excellent. It starts out slow and gets more panicked as the wedding grows ever closer. Also, your dialogue is not rushed or too long, but breaks up the action effectively. This reminded me quite a bit of a children's book with the way it was broken up and accompanied by pictures, and I truly think it could be if you had the intention of publishing it. I then moved on to the story about Eden. I loved this tale. First of all, I find the writings surrounding the garden of Eden to be fascinating, and learning a bit more about the other supposed characters made this story feel new. It also felt somewhat chiasmic with the blame first moving one way down the chain, then back the other (minus a character or two). It also reminded me heavily of the song Your Fault (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWJM5YFXA7I) from into the woods, giving a quite serious event a lighter feel. I also absolutely love the resolution. Having everyone acknowledge his or her role helped the story to conclude naturally, and having God create a solution to the problem with the Torah was a really interesting historical explanation and finish. I absolutely loved reading this Portfolio project and will definitely be reading the rest of the stories in my spare time.
To minimize spam, comments are restricted to Google accounts only. You can also contact me at laurakgibbs@gmail.com or at Twitter: @OnlineCrsLady. Comments on older posts will be moderated.
Hi, Laura
ReplyDeleteFirst, I love your portfolio. It is simple, but so elegance.
The first story, The Flower, the "windflower" and the bee picture are so beautiful.
I am also so impressive with the way you organized the story using Twine in the Mouse-Bride story. It is really fun to read, but also is complicated. It works like a maze. Once i get in, i have to go through all the ways to be able to find the way out.
To be honest, it was hard for me to organize the information when i got along the story just by remember. If possible, i would rather to insert a "go back" button, so that i can go back whenever i feel like i am missing somethings. I have to sketch a "road map", that will show me "whether to marry a mouse husband or a man husband", but i still consfused.
I wonder how do the "mouse bride" think about marrying the "strongest husband" for all, but ended up marry a mouse-husband, which is weaker than the cat? Why the mouse-bride go all the way to find the strongest husband? I personally think the mouse bride have some incentive to do that, not just for protect her own safe.
Although the story have a happy ending, i would like if it could be extended a bit more to talk about the weaknesses of the "new husband". Everyone have weakness, so she (the mouse bride) will get through it.
Hi Laura,
ReplyDeleteI liked reading your story "The Flower" because in my opinion because your use of photos in the story help make me understand just how peaceful the tone of the story, especially in the beginning, truly is. The part I liked was when the bumblebee request that instead of being a bumblebee it would rather be a cat who eats, sleeps, and does not do anything. As i kept reading the story, I began to wonder if the bumblebee was actually was actually a bumblebee in the beginning or if some other animal or thing had transformed into the bumblebee before the bumblebee began transforming into the things it became in the story. You might see what happens if at the end you repeat the cycle but with a new bumblebee instead. Overall I think your story is amazing and I like how you positioned your picture to make it look like I am actually reading an article or a blog post. Great Job!
Hi Laura!
ReplyDeleteI wish I'd checked your site out sooner! I love how you've presented Twine as a platform and the introductory "hints" about going back and using the links. I will likely be copying some form of both in this week's work on my own Twine storybook. Adding the storyboard image was a really good idea, and I could jump back and forth without too much confusion through the potential storylines.
Also, a subtle but nice touch: images to break up a wall of text in "The Flower." The "pop-up" banner image is really nice too, and I'm realizing that Google sites can be much more aesthetic than I originally believed. Wonderful, beautiful website and both fantastic stories.
"The Flower" caused me to wonder how deeply this story was influenced by the religious beliefs in Laos (reincarnation perhaps?), and whether that could be worked into the tale at some point.
Thank you! So many great ideas, I hope you don't mind if I borrow a few for aesthetics in my own site!
Hey Laura!
ReplyDeleteFor this comment, I ended up writing about "The Flower". I thought that was so cool how you did your rendition of the story. You turned a moon origin story into a sunflower origin story, which I totally forgot that we could do. We don't have to stick to the story completely, but we can add our own twist to it. I wonder if the sunflower was happy in the end. It always had something to complain about when it changed into something else, such as when it turned into a bumblebee, a cat, or the moon. It was initially unhappy with following the wind. I wonder if it found happiness from the fact that it ended up following the sun instead at the end. Overall, I really liked the story. I thought it was cool how you kept the meaning and transitions the same, but you only changed the elements in order to create your own story.
Hi Laura! I knew you said you'd be doing the course along with us, but I forgot & was surprised to be reading your own stories. This is a completely different version of Adam & Eve than I have ever heard before. It has characters in it that I've also never heard before, which makes it interesting. I like the chain of blame type story. I've not really had much experience with those, but in real life that does seem to be the way things work. I also like that you went back through in reverse and everyone apologizes and everything is cleared up. God really did only want them to admit what they'd done wrong. I'd never heard of the Samael or the baby or anything beyond just Adam & Eve eating the forbidden fruit, hiding, having to admit the truth, and being punished by having to leave the Garden of Eden. All of this extra information is very interesting and thought provoking to someone who has heard the traditional story their whole lives. Now I'm wondering what all is missing from the Bible maybe, and why. Very thought provoking story and a very interesting way of writing a story, that I'd never really seen done before. I love all your use of images. Makes me wish I'd put more images in mine. I guess I can always hunt and add more images in my final revision weeks.
ReplyDeleteHey Laura! You did a great job at covering some of the generally unknown myths behind your stories. Not very many people know about the Jewish story of Adam and Eve and characters like Lilith. I'm willing to bet I was the only reader who knew that story before reading your version lol. Yet, you connected all of the intricacies of the story and even made the reader question if God is to blame. Most people fear such a thought and think it's wrong to question God. So that was a bold but perfect move on your part. I also really liked the sunflower story. There was a lot of great imagery in there. Maybe give a little more detail as to what it was like to be the sun because I really loved the powerful intensity of that part. My only other critique is to possibly rearrange your links. Finding them was a little confusing. Other than that, awesome job!
ReplyDeleteHi Laura! I was excited to see your project come up on the generator this week! I started with your Mouse-Bride story. I love the interactivity of the story and played it several times to get different stories. The first time, I chose a mouse husband, and then decided to invite the cat to the wedding, thinking it might be a nice gesture. I see now that I made the wrong choice, haha. I like how the story restarts in a similar yet different way when I am reborn before going back to the beginning. I love how my mouse character always ends up with the mouse husband and how they find each other even when they die; it makes me feel like they are mouse soulmates. In The Flower, I kept waiting for the Goddess to grow tired of the requests and stop transforming the once windflower, but was pleasantly surprised when she eventually became a flower again. I liked how although she is a flower again, she became her own type of flower. I would have liked a bit more explanation on what a chain tale is, just because I am not very familiar with the stories you use to explain the idea, but I feel like I understand what it is after looking at the links you included and through your stories!
ReplyDeleteHey Laura! The blurbs on your homepage were super helpful and I just had to go with the Twine story. Right away, the picture of the mouse at the top was super adorable. I loved the Choose-Your-Own-Adventure series as a kid, so this story made me really happy to read. I like that you can keep going until you marry the mouse. One suggestion I would have is to add a play again button on the last page. That way anyone who wants to try again doesn't have to reload the entire page. I think your idea in your author's note about having a mouse spend time with each of the strongest husbands before revealing their weaknesses would be good. The little pieces you wrote with them where cool and I think more people should have an opportunity to read those instead of skipping past them looking for the "strongest". Thank you for including a screenshot of your twine set up after the authors note. It was fun to get to trace all of the paths through visually. The closing comment on the last page was really cute too. My boyfriend and I actually met here at the University of Oklahoma (3 months as of yesterday!), so who knows?
ReplyDeleteHey Laura,
ReplyDeleteI really loved how you set this up. It looks so great and is also very easy to navigate around. It is also really cool that you were able o make all of your stories interactive so that it would allow all of us to really get into the stories and wonder what what was going to happen next. I really loved those type of stories when I was little so it was really fun seeing them now and getting to think back to when I was a little kid. It would have better i yo could have further explained the chain type of stories, because I am sure that not everyone was as familiar with them as others. Other than that I though that you have done a fantastic job.
Hi Laura! I started with your story about the rabbit who was going to get married. Your pacing in this story is excellent. It starts out slow and gets more panicked as the wedding grows ever closer. Also, your dialogue is not rushed or too long, but breaks up the action effectively. This reminded me quite a bit of a children's book with the way it was broken up and accompanied by pictures, and I truly think it could be if you had the intention of publishing it. I then moved on to the story about Eden. I loved this tale. First of all, I find the writings surrounding the garden of Eden to be fascinating, and learning a bit more about the other supposed characters made this story feel new. It also felt somewhat chiasmic with the blame first moving one way down the chain, then back the other (minus a character or two). It also reminded me heavily of the song Your Fault (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWJM5YFXA7I) from into the woods, giving a quite serious event a lighter feel. I also absolutely love the resolution. Having everyone acknowledge his or her role helped the story to conclude naturally, and having God create a solution to the problem with the Torah was a really interesting historical explanation and finish. I absolutely loved reading this Portfolio project and will definitely be reading the rest of the stories in my spare time.
ReplyDelete